So, I've been back in Eugene since Tuesday. Prior to the return, I was playing with the idea of returning to school here in the fall, but I'm doing some serious reconsiderations.
It has been great to get to see Mitch and Ryland, but I see now that Eugene is not the place for me. It just doesn't provide the kind of outlets that I desire. I've also noticed how important a sense of community is to me. To my well-being. It has become apparent that I belong to a strong community of friends in the Seattle area, and this will play a part in my decision of what to do next.
I will be making the final leg of my trip to Seattle tomorrow morning around 10. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone. Brain, Nic, and myself will be doing a show at Roy Street Coffee and Tea on April 8th. Show starts at 7 pm. I could not be more excited about being able to play music with friends again. I can't wait to see some familiar faces.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Day 41
Slept at a rest stop in Iowa last night, which was nice because I could pee in things other than gallon jugs. They had wi-fi as well, which is always a welcome thing, as I can watch tv/movies instead of trying to read by the light put off by my iPod. Unfortunately, Iowa has decided to put a time limit to your access. Oh well.
Woke up around 9 this morning, or 7 for you west coasters. The snow was falling in slight flurries, and I'd just stolen the new Fleet Foxes record, so I made an appointment to get a haircut, hit the road, and listened to the new album. Great way to start the day.
When I pulled into Omaha, I found the barber shop and received probably the shortest haircut I've had in years. Feeling pretty good about cleaning up, and having always wanted to, I decided to spend the extra few bucks and get a straight razor shave. It was a pretty righteous experience that I'd recommend to every male.
The gentalman providing this service was named Stan. He was probably in his late 70's early 80's and told me his story and asked about mine. All and all a really nice ordeal.
After finishing up the return to civil appearance, I crossed the street and had a breakfast burrito, satisfying my tummy's needs.
I'm now parked in a Lowe's parking lot, one of the very few lots I've seen that don't forbid overnight parking, and plan on doing some reading and just set up here for the rest of the day. Tomorrow I'll find a new place and repeat.
Woke up around 9 this morning, or 7 for you west coasters. The snow was falling in slight flurries, and I'd just stolen the new Fleet Foxes record, so I made an appointment to get a haircut, hit the road, and listened to the new album. Great way to start the day.
When I pulled into Omaha, I found the barber shop and received probably the shortest haircut I've had in years. Feeling pretty good about cleaning up, and having always wanted to, I decided to spend the extra few bucks and get a straight razor shave. It was a pretty righteous experience that I'd recommend to every male.
The gentalman providing this service was named Stan. He was probably in his late 70's early 80's and told me his story and asked about mine. All and all a really nice ordeal.
After finishing up the return to civil appearance, I crossed the street and had a breakfast burrito, satisfying my tummy's needs.
I'm now parked in a Lowe's parking lot, one of the very few lots I've seen that don't forbid overnight parking, and plan on doing some reading and just set up here for the rest of the day. Tomorrow I'll find a new place and repeat.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 40
Today is my last day in Missouri. For those of you I haven't talked to directly, I've been driving a dude to and from work just outside of Kansas City for $15 a day. The weekend was a bit uncomfortable, as I started this last Friday, and spent all day Saturday hanging out in the van in front of his home. But by Sunday night things started to become more palatable as they welcomed me in and have been making me dinner each night, and letting me sleep on their hide-a-bed last night since the temperature dropped to freezing.
It's a young family of four, and their kids are quite the handful. I have some honest concerns for them, and hope that their maturation comes swiftly. They are kind and loving, but life is going to be hard for them, which is sad to see as the kids will pay the largest price. This, among other reasons, is why I have a fear of being a father. The inability to properly provide or raise a child is terrifying to me. Seeing this family struggle with financial balance just further pushes me away from the wont for reproduction.
Since I've had eight hours of downtime a day this week, I've gotten in a lot of reading, which has been nice. Other than that, my days haven't consisted of much other than phone calls and texting as a way to catch up and keep in contact.
Since I promised the young man a ride through this week, I will be departing this evening after we run to the bank and I get my weeks wages. The plan is to head north to Iowa tonight, then into Omaha either Saturday or Sunday, as I need to be there on Monday to pick up a young man to help share gas costs to Eugene.
My return to Eugene is something that I'm really looking forward to. I think it's important to my continued growth, as I confront the fact that it was not the town that made me miserable, but myself. I only happened to confront this long running issue while in residence.
I'm also really looking forward to a night of drinking stouts with my good friend Mitch, as well as catching up with Ryland.
I've been giving some serious thoughts towards my future, and have concluded that while I'm not jumping into any thing just yet, unless one of the jobs that I've applied to provide me an offer that I feel contributes to my further progression and provides future opportunities, I will be returning to school in the fall in pursuit of a degree in Journalism-Advertising, which will provide me with the education required to pursue a career in publishing. I feel comfortable with this idea, as I've given it considerable debate and feel that this is a future that I would like, rather than one I feel that I can simply do. Unlike my previous attempt at re-entering the world of academia, I'm not setting time lines. I've accepted that at my age, it is no longer a race to get into a profession, as there is really little difference between 27 and 30. In concerns to future debt, I look at is something that is going to be there regardless, and to fuss or make myself crazy over future financial issues is pointless. I will take care of my responsibilities, I know this, so I will focus on them when the time is appropriate, whilst not loosing awareness and becoming irresponsible.
With this choice, I've also considered the things that I've been applying for and realize that they will all still be there, and most likely more obtainable, once I have a degree in place. Thus taking away the pressure cause by fear of missed opportunities. Again, I'm not saying this is absolutely the way that things will take place, but this is my default in the event that I'm not offered something that opens other doors for me.
That's all for now as my battery is running low.
It's a young family of four, and their kids are quite the handful. I have some honest concerns for them, and hope that their maturation comes swiftly. They are kind and loving, but life is going to be hard for them, which is sad to see as the kids will pay the largest price. This, among other reasons, is why I have a fear of being a father. The inability to properly provide or raise a child is terrifying to me. Seeing this family struggle with financial balance just further pushes me away from the wont for reproduction.
Since I've had eight hours of downtime a day this week, I've gotten in a lot of reading, which has been nice. Other than that, my days haven't consisted of much other than phone calls and texting as a way to catch up and keep in contact.
Since I promised the young man a ride through this week, I will be departing this evening after we run to the bank and I get my weeks wages. The plan is to head north to Iowa tonight, then into Omaha either Saturday or Sunday, as I need to be there on Monday to pick up a young man to help share gas costs to Eugene.
My return to Eugene is something that I'm really looking forward to. I think it's important to my continued growth, as I confront the fact that it was not the town that made me miserable, but myself. I only happened to confront this long running issue while in residence.
I'm also really looking forward to a night of drinking stouts with my good friend Mitch, as well as catching up with Ryland.
I've been giving some serious thoughts towards my future, and have concluded that while I'm not jumping into any thing just yet, unless one of the jobs that I've applied to provide me an offer that I feel contributes to my further progression and provides future opportunities, I will be returning to school in the fall in pursuit of a degree in Journalism-Advertising, which will provide me with the education required to pursue a career in publishing. I feel comfortable with this idea, as I've given it considerable debate and feel that this is a future that I would like, rather than one I feel that I can simply do. Unlike my previous attempt at re-entering the world of academia, I'm not setting time lines. I've accepted that at my age, it is no longer a race to get into a profession, as there is really little difference between 27 and 30. In concerns to future debt, I look at is something that is going to be there regardless, and to fuss or make myself crazy over future financial issues is pointless. I will take care of my responsibilities, I know this, so I will focus on them when the time is appropriate, whilst not loosing awareness and becoming irresponsible.
With this choice, I've also considered the things that I've been applying for and realize that they will all still be there, and most likely more obtainable, once I have a degree in place. Thus taking away the pressure cause by fear of missed opportunities. Again, I'm not saying this is absolutely the way that things will take place, but this is my default in the event that I'm not offered something that opens other doors for me.
That's all for now as my battery is running low.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Louis Then West
This morning I left Illinois to continue my journey back west. I was hoping to find work in St. Louis, but their craigslist isn't offering much in the way of temporary employment. Having been doing this for a bit, I've found that I burn up a ton of gas looking for places to park in cities, and since I'm now trying to actually get somewhere, it's best to cut my loses and conserve the gas, keep headed in the general direction I'm going. But, I still wanted to see the Arch. I spent a while, I don't know, maybe an hour, walking around the park and getting vertigo from staring upwards at the apex of the monument, then decided to venture on.
Had a stroke of good luck at a BP about twenty minutes out of St. Louis where the attendent got really excited about my road trip and cut me a deal so I could get a 20 cent per gallon discount, which is rad. Currently I'm parked near Danville, MO at a rest stop, stealing internet from a campground that must be somewhat near bye, though I cannot see it. I've been playing guitar and messing around online for a while now. Probably just stay here tonight. I keep running budget checks and looking into gas costs, and it looks like I'm about $50 short of getting to the west coast, so hopefully I can make a rideshare work. I have two in line, and am hoping to hear from them soon.
I also took a couple pictures, but the internet that I'm stealing isn't a great connection. It shall wait till later, sorry mom.
Had a stroke of good luck at a BP about twenty minutes out of St. Louis where the attendent got really excited about my road trip and cut me a deal so I could get a 20 cent per gallon discount, which is rad. Currently I'm parked near Danville, MO at a rest stop, stealing internet from a campground that must be somewhat near bye, though I cannot see it. I've been playing guitar and messing around online for a while now. Probably just stay here tonight. I keep running budget checks and looking into gas costs, and it looks like I'm about $50 short of getting to the west coast, so hopefully I can make a rideshare work. I have two in line, and am hoping to hear from them soon.
I also took a couple pictures, but the internet that I'm stealing isn't a great connection. It shall wait till later, sorry mom.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Coast-to-Coast
Today I set foot in the Atlantic Ocean. While this may not seem like much to some of you that are well traveled, to me, it felt like an accomplishment. I've been on the road for 28 days now, have driven over 5,000 miles, and made it from one coast to the other.
After spending a while on the beach and letting the ocean water run over my feet, I decided it was best to get to Raleigh so that I can try and find some work. I'm ready to start the drive back home, but will need to get a considerable amount of money set up. Hopefully I can find something soon, and even if temporary, make enough money to slowly work my way back.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Starting the drive back West
Alright, so I figure it's time for me to start making the trip back to the West Coast. Money has been tight, so, I'm resorting to reminding people of where they can donate. Again, don't feel obligated, but if you wish to or can, it's much appreciated.
I'm currently in Asheville, NC, so it may take me a while to get back, but I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again.
I'm currently in Asheville, NC, so it may take me a while to get back, but I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Day 26
Got to Birmingham last night and had a great time. I was offered a potential gig on sunday, but I failed to get the dude's information, so it's looking like a long shot unless he knows how to contact me by way of telepathy.
Had a few drinks with David Dondero, which was interesting. He was asking me questions about my trip, then asked about my music. I told him the most satisfying moment for me was having a friend (Neal) cover one of my songs as it "made me feel like a less talented Daniel Johnston of my group of friends". David didn't like my saying that, and got really protective of Daniel and told me that I was really arrogant for saying something like that. Which made me laugh, because I'm really not sure how that could be a statement of arrogance, but whatever, he bought me a beer and told me he really liked me despite that statement. He was a nice guy, but strange as all get out.
Anyway, since I managed to not give the guy that talked to me about the gig a way of contacting me, I think I'll head to tennessee today. Maybe stop off in Chattanooga since I still haven't heard anything concrete back from the lady at the Knoxville bar. I mean, I could stay here, but I dunno. I just feel like driving today.
Had a few drinks with David Dondero, which was interesting. He was asking me questions about my trip, then asked about my music. I told him the most satisfying moment for me was having a friend (Neal) cover one of my songs as it "made me feel like a less talented Daniel Johnston of my group of friends". David didn't like my saying that, and got really protective of Daniel and told me that I was really arrogant for saying something like that. Which made me laugh, because I'm really not sure how that could be a statement of arrogance, but whatever, he bought me a beer and told me he really liked me despite that statement. He was a nice guy, but strange as all get out.
Anyway, since I managed to not give the guy that talked to me about the gig a way of contacting me, I think I'll head to tennessee today. Maybe stop off in Chattanooga since I still haven't heard anything concrete back from the lady at the Knoxville bar. I mean, I could stay here, but I dunno. I just feel like driving today.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Day 23
Today will be my last day in Bay Springs, MS. Tomorrow I will venture Northeast to Daleville to visit an old friend from Washington that's living there with her fiancee. My visit here has been nothing short of wonderful. My aunt Barbara has been welcoming with her warmth and love. I'm so thankful that I made the choice to come visit her. I figure since I've already become more self-confessional here than originally intended, I'll go ahead and keep up the trend. I'm over concealment, it's hard and not really worth it.
Since arriving, I've had a lot of time to think things through, to reflect on what I've learned so far on this trip, and to examine how that correlates to my life up to this point. Being able to do this, being blessed by the silence that is a small town in Mississippi, I've come to terms with a number of things. I've learned that maybe I'm not such the asshole that I make myself out to be. Sure, I've fucked up and I've hurt people. I'm prone towards indulgence and a loose mouth, but I can see how I've made situations worse by allowing the guilt to mount up inside of me. This generally leads to future wrong doings. I'm going to move past that. For anyone I've wronged, I'm sorry. I can understand if it's too late for forgiveness or a rebuilding of relationships. That's alright. I can understand.
I've also been working on accepting the kindness of others. I can see now that people do things for me because they care for me. By being able to finally see this, and to openly accept these acts, I feel that I've gained a greater appreciation for them. I'm no longer looking for the catch. I know where this reaction developed, and that, as well, I am letting go.
I'm doing my best to be a better person. I will continue to be open and honest about my views, my opinions, but I'm releasing myself of cynicism that has often prohibited me from truly being receptive. I'm always willing to be there for anyone that needs someone to talk to. Having developed a better sense of situations such as this, and being on the receiving end of such kindness, I'm happy to return it.
I don't think I'm done with what it is I'm looking for, as I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am, however, finding myself more capable to enjoy each day. I'm no longer dreading waking up, or trying hard to look for the next thing as a way of getting by. I'm much more able to just take things in stride. I'm far from a finished product in my development as a person, and I understand that I always will be. I'm okay with that. I will continue to work to be better.
I can also see how some of you who read this will be turned away by the touchy-feely bullshit, but, that I'm okay with as well. I'm not embarrassed. I was a pretty big mess when I left school, probably an even bigger one when I left home. I have no problem airing this. I'm sincerely grateful for everyone who has been there to talk to me while I'm trying to figure this out. I'm fortunate to have really great friends that are supportive and patient, even when it can be difficult. I'm incredibly lucky to have family that cares and loves me even at times when I cannot understand or truly accept those feelings. I'm working on it. I'm getting closer.
As I said, tomorrow I will depart the warm home of my aunt and get back on the road. The next stop after touching base with the people I know here will be Tennessee. I'm split between Nashville or Knoxville as I'm trying to find some places to play a bit of music. I'll also have a quick stop in Birmingham, AL. After that, I don't know. I may start looking to raise the funds and start working my way back west. Or maybe I'll head North up the East-coast. I'm not really sure. I do know that I'm much closer to coming home than I thought I ever would be. I feel like I've just left. I feel like I've always been on the road. We shall see. Thanks again, everyone.
Also, new demo. It's rough, but what do I do that isn't. If I were striving for polish, I'd have nothing to show.
The Good Wives - Mississippi Soft Water by jacobbruggman
Since arriving, I've had a lot of time to think things through, to reflect on what I've learned so far on this trip, and to examine how that correlates to my life up to this point. Being able to do this, being blessed by the silence that is a small town in Mississippi, I've come to terms with a number of things. I've learned that maybe I'm not such the asshole that I make myself out to be. Sure, I've fucked up and I've hurt people. I'm prone towards indulgence and a loose mouth, but I can see how I've made situations worse by allowing the guilt to mount up inside of me. This generally leads to future wrong doings. I'm going to move past that. For anyone I've wronged, I'm sorry. I can understand if it's too late for forgiveness or a rebuilding of relationships. That's alright. I can understand.
I've also been working on accepting the kindness of others. I can see now that people do things for me because they care for me. By being able to finally see this, and to openly accept these acts, I feel that I've gained a greater appreciation for them. I'm no longer looking for the catch. I know where this reaction developed, and that, as well, I am letting go.
I'm doing my best to be a better person. I will continue to be open and honest about my views, my opinions, but I'm releasing myself of cynicism that has often prohibited me from truly being receptive. I'm always willing to be there for anyone that needs someone to talk to. Having developed a better sense of situations such as this, and being on the receiving end of such kindness, I'm happy to return it.
I don't think I'm done with what it is I'm looking for, as I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am, however, finding myself more capable to enjoy each day. I'm no longer dreading waking up, or trying hard to look for the next thing as a way of getting by. I'm much more able to just take things in stride. I'm far from a finished product in my development as a person, and I understand that I always will be. I'm okay with that. I will continue to work to be better.
I can also see how some of you who read this will be turned away by the touchy-feely bullshit, but, that I'm okay with as well. I'm not embarrassed. I was a pretty big mess when I left school, probably an even bigger one when I left home. I have no problem airing this. I'm sincerely grateful for everyone who has been there to talk to me while I'm trying to figure this out. I'm fortunate to have really great friends that are supportive and patient, even when it can be difficult. I'm incredibly lucky to have family that cares and loves me even at times when I cannot understand or truly accept those feelings. I'm working on it. I'm getting closer.
As I said, tomorrow I will depart the warm home of my aunt and get back on the road. The next stop after touching base with the people I know here will be Tennessee. I'm split between Nashville or Knoxville as I'm trying to find some places to play a bit of music. I'll also have a quick stop in Birmingham, AL. After that, I don't know. I may start looking to raise the funds and start working my way back west. Or maybe I'll head North up the East-coast. I'm not really sure. I do know that I'm much closer to coming home than I thought I ever would be. I feel like I've just left. I feel like I've always been on the road. We shall see. Thanks again, everyone.
Also, new demo. It's rough, but what do I do that isn't. If I were striving for polish, I'd have nothing to show.
The Good Wives - Mississippi Soft Water by jacobbruggman
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Day 20
Having lived in Seattle, I had thought I knew what a rain storm was all about. I'm not so sure now, having seen a Mississippi storm. I stepped out this morning to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette and it was clear and fairly sunny, by the time I was headed back in, there were puddles in the yard. It kept up like that for most of the day, which kept me indoors.
Since I had nothing to do and a full day ahead of me, I decided to sit down and write a song. My first since leaving on this trip. I've posted a video below of said song.
There hasn't been much going on here in Bay Springs, as many might be have been able to guess, but the quiet has been pretty nice. I've gotten caught up on some sleep and the regular availability of a shower has honestly seemed somewhat luxurious. My rough plan as of right now, is to stick around here at my Aunt Barbara's until either Tuesday or Wednesday, then I will be headed north to see a friend in Daleville. From there, I'm thinking I'll go see Nashville for a few days, then play it by ear after that.
I've had some time to let the events from the previous days on the road to set in, and I'm feeling considerably better about a lot of the issues that lead me here. The perspective I've gained from having this time seems to be leading me in the right direction, and I think it is realistic for me to start thinking about what I can do going forth. Most of the things that seemed impossible for me to do on a day to day basis now seem feasible so long as I can maintain the sense of patience I've been working hard on developing. A number of things that previously caused me considerable amounts of anxiety seem to have faded as I've come to accept a number of things as well. I still want to give myself a bit more time to really focus on this, and decide what the next move will be, but I feel as though I've made real progress that is sustainable. I guess I just needed to get lost for a while.
Anyway, here is the new song.
Since I had nothing to do and a full day ahead of me, I decided to sit down and write a song. My first since leaving on this trip. I've posted a video below of said song.
There hasn't been much going on here in Bay Springs, as many might be have been able to guess, but the quiet has been pretty nice. I've gotten caught up on some sleep and the regular availability of a shower has honestly seemed somewhat luxurious. My rough plan as of right now, is to stick around here at my Aunt Barbara's until either Tuesday or Wednesday, then I will be headed north to see a friend in Daleville. From there, I'm thinking I'll go see Nashville for a few days, then play it by ear after that.
I've had some time to let the events from the previous days on the road to set in, and I'm feeling considerably better about a lot of the issues that lead me here. The perspective I've gained from having this time seems to be leading me in the right direction, and I think it is realistic for me to start thinking about what I can do going forth. Most of the things that seemed impossible for me to do on a day to day basis now seem feasible so long as I can maintain the sense of patience I've been working hard on developing. A number of things that previously caused me considerable amounts of anxiety seem to have faded as I've come to accept a number of things as well. I still want to give myself a bit more time to really focus on this, and decide what the next move will be, but I feel as though I've made real progress that is sustainable. I guess I just needed to get lost for a while.
Anyway, here is the new song.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Day 18
First and foremost, I need to express my gratitude for Cari and Clayton's incredible kindness. You are both wonderful people and you made me feel so welcome, thank you so much. I'm honored to call you both friends. Though the likelihood of any other folks I met these past few days reading this is very very small, I still want to let it be known how much I enjoyed meeting each and every one of you. My stay in New Orleans couldn't have been any better. I hope that we have the opportunity to run into one another again someday.
Today I left for Bay Springs Mississippi and am currently sitting in my great Aunt Barbara's house, just got out of the shower and am strongly considering a nap. I don't have any phone reception out here, so e-mail will be the best way to contact me if anyone needs to. Alright, time to sleep.
Today I left for Bay Springs Mississippi and am currently sitting in my great Aunt Barbara's house, just got out of the shower and am strongly considering a nap. I don't have any phone reception out here, so e-mail will be the best way to contact me if anyone needs to. Alright, time to sleep.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day 16
Got to New Orleans last night around 10 pm. The kids that I gave the ride to were great. Cari gave me dinner and use of her shower. Both her and Clayton bought me some drinks last night. It was a good time and felt like meeting up with old friends rather than meeting new people.
Today I went out in the French Quarter to busk and try and make a few bucks since I need to get $40-ish to get to Mississippi. The town was dead, though, and I was unable to make any cash, which is alright, as I had tempered my expectations. The only people making money today were the super old dude one man band and the pretty girl playing the cello.
I was joined by a banjo playing drifter from North Carolina who's been hitchhiking around for about a month. He was shoeless, and at first had some charm about him. He bought us a beer which we shared on some stoop. Soon afterward, he just became loud and the charm had worn off. I ditched him shortly after and came back to the van, where I'm stealing internet and writing this.
Cari has invited me to attend a Barbecue tonight, so I'll be getting another free meal, which is great, since I spent my last dime today on a po' boy sandwich, which was wonderful. And I would have felt as though I'd cheated myself if I were here and didn't have one. After dinner, I'm going to go play on Frenchmen street and see if I can't make some money. Then go back to the French Quarter tomorrow and give it another go.
In someways, I'd really like to stay here longer, as the people have been incredibly hospitable and I've enjoyed their company, but I just don't want to settle in. I'm just not ready for it yet. Unfortunately the craigslist for this city doesn't offer much in the way of work, so I'll be here until someone pays me to play music.
Today I went out in the French Quarter to busk and try and make a few bucks since I need to get $40-ish to get to Mississippi. The town was dead, though, and I was unable to make any cash, which is alright, as I had tempered my expectations. The only people making money today were the super old dude one man band and the pretty girl playing the cello.
I was joined by a banjo playing drifter from North Carolina who's been hitchhiking around for about a month. He was shoeless, and at first had some charm about him. He bought us a beer which we shared on some stoop. Soon afterward, he just became loud and the charm had worn off. I ditched him shortly after and came back to the van, where I'm stealing internet and writing this.
Cari has invited me to attend a Barbecue tonight, so I'll be getting another free meal, which is great, since I spent my last dime today on a po' boy sandwich, which was wonderful. And I would have felt as though I'd cheated myself if I were here and didn't have one. After dinner, I'm going to go play on Frenchmen street and see if I can't make some money. Then go back to the French Quarter tomorrow and give it another go.
In someways, I'd really like to stay here longer, as the people have been incredibly hospitable and I've enjoyed their company, but I just don't want to settle in. I'm just not ready for it yet. Unfortunately the craigslist for this city doesn't offer much in the way of work, so I'll be here until someone pays me to play music.
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