Today is my last day in Missouri. For those of you I haven't talked to directly, I've been driving a dude to and from work just outside of Kansas City for $15 a day. The weekend was a bit uncomfortable, as I started this last Friday, and spent all day Saturday hanging out in the van in front of his home. But by Sunday night things started to become more palatable as they welcomed me in and have been making me dinner each night, and letting me sleep on their hide-a-bed last night since the temperature dropped to freezing.
It's a young family of four, and their kids are quite the handful. I have some honest concerns for them, and hope that their maturation comes swiftly. They are kind and loving, but life is going to be hard for them, which is sad to see as the kids will pay the largest price. This, among other reasons, is why I have a fear of being a father. The inability to properly provide or raise a child is terrifying to me. Seeing this family struggle with financial balance just further pushes me away from the wont for reproduction.
Since I've had eight hours of downtime a day this week, I've gotten in a lot of reading, which has been nice. Other than that, my days haven't consisted of much other than phone calls and texting as a way to catch up and keep in contact.
Since I promised the young man a ride through this week, I will be departing this evening after we run to the bank and I get my weeks wages. The plan is to head north to Iowa tonight, then into Omaha either Saturday or Sunday, as I need to be there on Monday to pick up a young man to help share gas costs to Eugene.
My return to Eugene is something that I'm really looking forward to. I think it's important to my continued growth, as I confront the fact that it was not the town that made me miserable, but myself. I only happened to confront this long running issue while in residence.
I'm also really looking forward to a night of drinking stouts with my good friend Mitch, as well as catching up with Ryland.
I've been giving some serious thoughts towards my future, and have concluded that while I'm not jumping into any thing just yet, unless one of the jobs that I've applied to provide me an offer that I feel contributes to my further progression and provides future opportunities, I will be returning to school in the fall in pursuit of a degree in Journalism-Advertising, which will provide me with the education required to pursue a career in publishing. I feel comfortable with this idea, as I've given it considerable debate and feel that this is a future that I would like, rather than one I feel that I can simply do. Unlike my previous attempt at re-entering the world of academia, I'm not setting time lines. I've accepted that at my age, it is no longer a race to get into a profession, as there is really little difference between 27 and 30. In concerns to future debt, I look at is something that is going to be there regardless, and to fuss or make myself crazy over future financial issues is pointless. I will take care of my responsibilities, I know this, so I will focus on them when the time is appropriate, whilst not loosing awareness and becoming irresponsible.
With this choice, I've also considered the things that I've been applying for and realize that they will all still be there, and most likely more obtainable, once I have a degree in place. Thus taking away the pressure cause by fear of missed opportunities. Again, I'm not saying this is absolutely the way that things will take place, but this is my default in the event that I'm not offered something that opens other doors for me.
That's all for now as my battery is running low.
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