Today I set foot in the Atlantic Ocean. While this may not seem like much to some of you that are well traveled, to me, it felt like an accomplishment. I've been on the road for 28 days now, have driven over 5,000 miles, and made it from one coast to the other.
After spending a while on the beach and letting the ocean water run over my feet, I decided it was best to get to Raleigh so that I can try and find some work. I'm ready to start the drive back home, but will need to get a considerable amount of money set up. Hopefully I can find something soon, and even if temporary, make enough money to slowly work my way back.
Alright, so I figure it's time for me to start making the trip back to the West Coast. Money has been tight, so, I'm resorting to reminding people of where they can donate. Again, don't feel obligated, but if you wish to or can, it's much appreciated.
I'm currently in Asheville, NC, so it may take me a while to get back, but I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again.
Got to Birmingham last night and had a great time. I was offered a potential gig on sunday, but I failed to get the dude's information, so it's looking like a long shot unless he knows how to contact me by way of telepathy.
Had a few drinks with David Dondero, which was interesting. He was asking me questions about my trip, then asked about my music. I told him the most satisfying moment for me was having a friend (Neal) cover one of my songs as it "made me feel like a less talented Daniel Johnston of my group of friends". David didn't like my saying that, and got really protective of Daniel and told me that I was really arrogant for saying something like that. Which made me laugh, because I'm really not sure how that could be a statement of arrogance, but whatever, he bought me a beer and told me he really liked me despite that statement. He was a nice guy, but strange as all get out.
Anyway, since I managed to not give the guy that talked to me about the gig a way of contacting me, I think I'll head to tennessee today. Maybe stop off in Chattanooga since I still haven't heard anything concrete back from the lady at the Knoxville bar. I mean, I could stay here, but I dunno. I just feel like driving today.
Today will be my last day in Bay Springs, MS. Tomorrow I will venture Northeast to Daleville to visit an old friend from Washington that's living there with her fiancee. My visit here has been nothing short of wonderful. My aunt Barbara has been welcoming with her warmth and love. I'm so thankful that I made the choice to come visit her. I figure since I've already become more self-confessional here than originally intended, I'll go ahead and keep up the trend. I'm over concealment, it's hard and not really worth it.
Since arriving, I've had a lot of time to think things through, to reflect on what I've learned so far on this trip, and to examine how that correlates to my life up to this point. Being able to do this, being blessed by the silence that is a small town in Mississippi, I've come to terms with a number of things. I've learned that maybe I'm not such the asshole that I make myself out to be. Sure, I've fucked up and I've hurt people. I'm prone towards indulgence and a loose mouth, but I can see how I've made situations worse by allowing the guilt to mount up inside of me. This generally leads to future wrong doings. I'm going to move past that. For anyone I've wronged, I'm sorry. I can understand if it's too late for forgiveness or a rebuilding of relationships. That's alright. I can understand.
I've also been working on accepting the kindness of others. I can see now that people do things for me because they care for me. By being able to finally see this, and to openly accept these acts, I feel that I've gained a greater appreciation for them. I'm no longer looking for the catch. I know where this reaction developed, and that, as well, I am letting go.
I'm doing my best to be a better person. I will continue to be open and honest about my views, my opinions, but I'm releasing myself of cynicism that has often prohibited me from truly being receptive. I'm always willing to be there for anyone that needs someone to talk to. Having developed a better sense of situations such as this, and being on the receiving end of such kindness, I'm happy to return it.
I don't think I'm done with what it is I'm looking for, as I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am, however, finding myself more capable to enjoy each day. I'm no longer dreading waking up, or trying hard to look for the next thing as a way of getting by. I'm much more able to just take things in stride. I'm far from a finished product in my development as a person, and I understand that I always will be. I'm okay with that. I will continue to work to be better.
I can also see how some of you who read this will be turned away by the touchy-feely bullshit, but, that I'm okay with as well. I'm not embarrassed. I was a pretty big mess when I left school, probably an even bigger one when I left home. I have no problem airing this. I'm sincerely grateful for everyone who has been there to talk to me while I'm trying to figure this out. I'm fortunate to have really great friends that are supportive and patient, even when it can be difficult. I'm incredibly lucky to have family that cares and loves me even at times when I cannot understand or truly accept those feelings. I'm working on it. I'm getting closer.
As I said, tomorrow I will depart the warm home of my aunt and get back on the road. The next stop after touching base with the people I know here will be Tennessee. I'm split between Nashville or Knoxville as I'm trying to find some places to play a bit of music. I'll also have a quick stop in Birmingham, AL. After that, I don't know. I may start looking to raise the funds and start working my way back west. Or maybe I'll head North up the East-coast. I'm not really sure. I do know that I'm much closer to coming home than I thought I ever would be. I feel like I've just left. I feel like I've always been on the road. We shall see. Thanks again, everyone.
Also, new demo. It's rough, but what do I do that isn't. If I were striving for polish, I'd have nothing to show.
Having lived in Seattle, I had thought I knew what a rain storm was all about. I'm not so sure now, having seen a Mississippi storm. I stepped out this morning to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette and it was clear and fairly sunny, by the time I was headed back in, there were puddles in the yard. It kept up like that for most of the day, which kept me indoors.
Since I had nothing to do and a full day ahead of me, I decided to sit down and write a song. My first since leaving on this trip. I've posted a video below of said song.
There hasn't been much going on here in Bay Springs, as many might be have been able to guess, but the quiet has been pretty nice. I've gotten caught up on some sleep and the regular availability of a shower has honestly seemed somewhat luxurious. My rough plan as of right now, is to stick around here at my Aunt Barbara's until either Tuesday or Wednesday, then I will be headed north to see a friend in Daleville. From there, I'm thinking I'll go see Nashville for a few days, then play it by ear after that.
I've had some time to let the events from the previous days on the road to set in, and I'm feeling considerably better about a lot of the issues that lead me here. The perspective I've gained from having this time seems to be leading me in the right direction, and I think it is realistic for me to start thinking about what I can do going forth. Most of the things that seemed impossible for me to do on a day to day basis now seem feasible so long as I can maintain the sense of patience I've been working hard on developing. A number of things that previously caused me considerable amounts of anxiety seem to have faded as I've come to accept a number of things as well. I still want to give myself a bit more time to really focus on this, and decide what the next move will be, but I feel as though I've made real progress that is sustainable. I guess I just needed to get lost for a while.
First and foremost, I need to express my gratitude for Cari and Clayton's incredible kindness. You are both wonderful people and you made me feel so welcome, thank you so much. I'm honored to call you both friends. Though the likelihood of any other folks I met these past few days reading this is very very small, I still want to let it be known how much I enjoyed meeting each and every one of you. My stay in New Orleans couldn't have been any better. I hope that we have the opportunity to run into one another again someday.
Today I left for Bay Springs Mississippi and am currently sitting in my great Aunt Barbara's house, just got out of the shower and am strongly considering a nap. I don't have any phone reception out here, so e-mail will be the best way to contact me if anyone needs to. Alright, time to sleep.
Got to New Orleans last night around 10 pm. The kids that I gave the ride to were great. Cari gave me dinner and use of her shower. Both her and Clayton bought me some drinks last night. It was a good time and felt like meeting up with old friends rather than meeting new people.
Today I went out in the French Quarter to busk and try and make a few bucks since I need to get $40-ish to get to Mississippi. The town was dead, though, and I was unable to make any cash, which is alright, as I had tempered my expectations. The only people making money today were the super old dude one man band and the pretty girl playing the cello.
I was joined by a banjo playing drifter from North Carolina who's been hitchhiking around for about a month. He was shoeless, and at first had some charm about him. He bought us a beer which we shared on some stoop. Soon afterward, he just became loud and the charm had worn off. I ditched him shortly after and came back to the van, where I'm stealing internet and writing this.
Cari has invited me to attend a Barbecue tonight, so I'll be getting another free meal, which is great, since I spent my last dime today on a po' boy sandwich, which was wonderful. And I would have felt as though I'd cheated myself if I were here and didn't have one. After dinner, I'm going to go play on Frenchmen street and see if I can't make some money. Then go back to the French Quarter tomorrow and give it another go.
In someways, I'd really like to stay here longer, as the people have been incredibly hospitable and I've enjoyed their company, but I just don't want to settle in. I'm just not ready for it yet. Unfortunately the craigslist for this city doesn't offer much in the way of work, so I'll be here until someone pays me to play music.
